How to Annoy Akatsuki
by Madara-Danna
Summary: The place to come to find out how to get on the Akatsuki's bad side
1. Deidara

Disclaimer: i do not own any Naruto

Disclaimer: i do not own any Naruto

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**Ways To Annoy Akatsuki Members**

**Deidara**

Dye his hair black

Lock him in a closet with Tobi on a sugar high

Agree with sasori about art

steal his clay

replace his clay with play dough

constantly ask him how he lost his arms

ask him if he is a girl and if he denies it, ask for proof

Every time your around him, put yeah or un at the end of each sentence

Make it worse by putting un or yeah at the end of every word

tell him he needs a hair cut and pull out the scissors

show him deidaraxsasori yaoi

ask him if he has a boyfriend and when he says he's not gay, tell him only guys can be gay

make little sculptures out of his clay you stole and put them on display around the hideout.

draw mouths on your hands and run around pretending to be him

write sasori a love note and sign his name

cut off his ponytail

braid his hair while he sleeps

ask if he wants to come to one of your all girl sleep over parties

whenever he and sasori are together start singing 'deidara and sasori sitting in a tree..' then run

steal his clay sculptures, dry them and give them to him for christmas saying that they now will be preserved so people can admire them forever

call him diedara

call him dei-dei

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**A/N: i know every one says it but please read and review! it always gives me something to look foreword to reading. and i want to know if they suck or not. suggestions are open to anyone if they want me to put one on**


	2. Itachi

Disclaimer: I do not own any Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own any Naruto

--

**How to Annoy The Akatsuki**

**Itachi**

call him weasel

cut his ponytail off

draw his lines on your face

get sharingan contacts and say he missed a Uchiha

show him kisameXitachi yaoi/fanfic

tell him sasuke is _way _better then he is

ask him constantly why he didn't kill sasuke

ask him why he killed everyone over and over even if he gives you the answer

follow him around and do exactly what he does

get a pet weasel and name it itachi

tell him that kisame loves him

tell kisame that itachi loves him

ask him if his parents were on drugs when they named him

shut him in a closet with Tobi when he is on a sugar high

ignore him whenever he talks to you

every time he tries talking to you, start talking first

tell his fangirls where he is

ask when he will go blind

steal his hat and cloak right before he goes on a mission

hide his nail polish

replace the polish with pink

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**A/N: as i asked before, please r&r! i want to know how good i am and what to improve upon.**


	3. sasori

Disclaimer: i dont not own any of the naruto

Disclaimer: i dont not own any of the naruto

--

**How to Annoy Akatsuki**

**Sasori**

Sing 'I got no strings' from pinochio(sp?) every time your around him

ask him how he goes to the bathroom

start to sandpaper him and when he asks what you're doing tell him he had a rough spot

play with his puppets

sell him on ebay, buy him back and play with him as a puppet

when he gets annoyed tell him you own him and he has to do what you say

tell him that deidara loves him

tell deidara that he loves him

show him deidaraxsasori yaoi

shake wood lice on him

ask him how he could he was killed by a girl and an old lady

take his arms

dont give them back

take his head and put it on a baby doll and give it to a kid for christmas

dress up as him and flirt with deidara

ask him why he hides in his puppet and if its because he thinks himself as ugly

tell him he is ugly

ask him if he is in love with sakura and if that is why he allowed her to kill him

agree with deidara about art

blow up his puppets

hang pics of explosions all over his room

dress like deidara and ask him out in front of the other akatsuki members(w/out deidara of course)

repeatedly remind him of his death

constantly ask what it is like to be a puppet

ask him if can still make babies

use his puppets as fire wood

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**A/N: still like the reviews! and ...idk. hope u like these!**


	4. Tobi

Disclaimer:i do not own any naruto

Disclaimer:i do not own any naruto

--

**How to Annoy Akatsuki**

**Tobi**

pole things into his masks hole

snap his mask into his face

try to look under his mask

ever time you talk to him speak a different language

tell him he is _not _a good boy

tell him deidara thinks he is annoying (even though he does)

ignore him

dont let him have candy

steal his mask

draw a face on his mask

color his mask pink

replace his mask with a bunny mask

steal all his clothes and dye his underwear pink

ask him if he is in love with a stripper constantly

when he tells you no start singing the song 'im in love with a stripper'

tell him u know his secret when you really dont

lock him in a closet by himself when on a sugar high

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**A/N: i know its short but i ran out of ideas.**


	5. Kisame

Disclaimer: i do not own any naruto

Disclaimer: i do not own any naruto.

--

**How to Annoy Akatsuki**

**Kisame**

make him shark soup and dont tell him what it was until after he eats it

call him a fish instead of shark

ask him why he is green/blue constantly

ask him why he is on land instead of the ocean

ask him if he can breath underwater and if he can show you(even if he cant)

show him itachixkisame yaoi

buy him a goldfish and tell him its his brother

bring him to an aquarium and try to hook him up with a female shark

steal samehada and make him beg to get it back

sell samehada on ebay

buy it back and when he asks for it tell him you bought it and its yours now

record him crying and put it on youtube

whenever he talks act like you cant understand and tell him you dont speak shark

tell him your sword is better then his

tell him he would look better if he was (insert insulting color of your choice)

tell him itachi loves him

tell itachi he loves him

make out with itachi and say it was from kisame in front of him

insult him when he comes in the room and pretend u didnt see him come in

ask him if he has skin or scales

suddenly splash water on him and run him to the nearest body of water shouting that he'll die without it

**A/N: thank u to all those who have been stayin' with me!**


	6. Konan

disclaimer: i dont own any naruto

disclaimer: i dont own any naruto

--

**How to Annoy Akatsuki**

**Konan**

burn her origami in front of her

steal all her paper

lock her on a room with Tobi on a sugar high

ask her constantly why her hair is blue

when she says its natural dont listen and ask what kind of dye she uses

put pink dye into her shampoo/conditioner

keep her away from Pein

constantly insult Pein in front if her

start making out with Pein and brag about it (works better if guy)

buy her pink hair dye for christmas and tell her pink is the new blue

ask her when the wedding is constantly and if your invited

(if your a guy or a les) hit on her everyday because she is the only girl

ask her why she is the only girl every hour or so

use all her paper for your own uses

steal her cloak

tell her your interested in origami and when she shows you do it badly on purpose

when she shows you how to do it dont listen

when she says the akatsuki needs another girl bring her deidara and say u do have another

**A/N: i know its short. i ran out of ideas. thnx for readin' anyway!**


	7. Kakuzu

Disclaimer: i dont own any naruto

Disclaimer: i dont own any naruto

**How to Annoy Akatsuki**

**Kakuzu**

burn all his money in front of him

give him a bunch of fake money for his birthday

use all his money on buying expensive, useless crap

cut all his stitches so they fall apart

lend him money and make him pay it back including interest

ask him if he is trying to act like Tobi because of mask

tell him it is unnatural to have green eyes and that he should a doctor

lock him in a room with Hidan

show him kakuzuxhidan yaoi

ask him repeatedly how old he really is

when he comes near you well no you wont go out with him because he is to old for you

tell him you have money more then him

bring him to one of your friends who has more money then him and make it really obvious

tell him he's ugly

tell him that Hidan is soooo much hotter then him

write him a love note and sign Hidans name

insult him constantly like he is not in the same room

tell him you think that he and Hidan would make a great couple

send him on lots of missions with Hidan in charge

Forbid him to find any bounties while on his mission

**A/N: it took me a while to do this one but i got it done! yay! dont forget to tell me what you think! thnx!**


	8. Zetsu

Disclaimer: i do not own any naruto

Disclaimer: i do not own any naruto!!

**How to Annoy Akatsuki**

**Zetsu**

talk to only one side of him and ignore the other

ask him to join your vegetarian group

'accidently' spray weed killer on him

plant him and put him in a corner

water him, every hour

tape plants on to yourself and go around saying you are him

ask him if he ran out of black paint and had to use white

tell him that he really needs to take off his costume because its not halloween anymore

ask him if he is green or black and white all the way down

keep him away from the sun and call it starving him to death

kill all of the shinobi and burn their bodies before he gets to them

every time he gets near you scream dont eat me! and run away

ask him if the reason why he can merge with stuff is because he is ghost

spread rumors that he wants to eat Pein

tape his plants together so he cant see

give him miracle grow for dinner

ask him what kind of dye he used to make his hair green

bring him a venus fly trap and try to hook them up

ask him if he eats puppies too

spread rumors that he does eat puppies(even if he doesnt)

forbid him to eat any of the shinobis you kill/see

give him salad for diner and tell him its good for his health

tell him he looks a little green and if he feels alright

make him go lay down because he still looks sick even though he says he's fine

**A/N: thank you to all those who have given me good reviews! so far not one is bad and that is a good thing**


	9. Orochimaru

Disclaimer: dont own any of naruto

Disclaimer: dont own any of naruto

**How to Annoy Akatsuki**

**Orochimaru**

ask him if he i a descendent of the great Orochi

ask him if he feels okay because he is a little pale

ask him constantly why he wears purple make-up

ask to see his 'pet' snake, Manda

ask him why he looks so much like a girl

tell the whole akatsuki that the real reason he quite was because Itachi wouldnt be his man

ask him if is related to Micheal Jackson

keep all the little boys away from him and make it really obvious

wonder when his and sasuke's next date is

ask him why he dumped kabuto for sasuke

tell him that Jiraiya and Tsunade are the stronger ones

rub in his face that Jiraiya was supposed to be Hokage and Tsunade actually is

tell him you think that snakes are gross

ask him if he is related to Voldemort

pretend to mistake him for Voldemort

every time he walks near walks near you hiss like a snake

remind him that purple is the national gay color

tell him that he would never be able to get your jutsu

ask him who the women is in his as sasuke's relationship

ask him if teaching sasuke jutsu and power is the _only _thing he does

ask if you can barrow his rope to go rock climbing

**A/N: no offense to those people who like purple because its one of my faorit colors too! and thnx for reading!**


	10. Pein

Disclaimer: I do not own any Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own any Naruto

_________________________________

**How to Annoy Akatsuki**

**Pein**

ask him about him and konan

ask him 24/7 about his piercings

tell him you know that he is not really the leader and use it against him

tell him you only take orders from the real leader and only do what Tobi says

make out with konan and tell him what a good kisser she is (works better if u r a girl)

as you walk by him yell quite trying to rape me in front of the other members (especially konan)

lock him in a closet with tobi on a sugar high

ask him what color his kids hair would be orange or blue?

tip off to the hokage where the secret base is

every time he makes it rain ask him he does it 'cause he's depressed

'accidently' mistake him for Ichigo

call him Ichigo every time you see him after that

ask him where he got his piercings and if you can get some too

tell the whole akatsuki stories of his secret past

start calling him by his real name

replace all his piercings with pink and purple flowers ones

keep coming up with new ideas for the akatsuki cloak (one that is pink and such)

come up with a whole new uniforms that no one likes

hide all his piercings

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**A/N: AAHH!! running out of ideas. if anyone has any ideas for me they are welcome!**


	11. Hidan

Disclaimer: id o notow n anynar uto

Disclaimer: id o notow n anynar uto!!!!!!sadly...

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**How to Annoy Akatsuki**

**Hidan**

stick him with kakuzu for days on end

ask him if you can try to kill him, everyday

take away his pain

tell him you do not believe in Jashin

tell him Jashin is a bad god

tell him that you cant die either

dont let him sacrifice any one

take away his scythe

sell it on ebay

buy and dont let him have it because it is yours now, you bought it

poke him for 24 hours

cut off his head while he's sleeping and put it on a stake in front of the hide out

take really long doing things with money so it reminds him of Kakuzu

show him hidanxkakuzu fanfic/yaoi

keep trying to convert him to christian

cut off all his limbs and hide them

use his scythe for cutting the firewood

make him watch Barney and tell him that he should be more happy like him

call him emo and tell him it is bad to cut yourself

send him to a psychologists for his cutting

every time he is near you start pointing at him and laugh hysterically

when he asks what is so funny tell him nothing and instantly shut up and walk off

repeat again and again and again and again and again and again and again...etc.

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**A/N: this one was pretty fun and didn't take me long. yay! i liked doing these. they were fun and if for some reason i have forgot one please tell me because i seem to have that problem sometimes.**


	12. Special: Kabuto

Disclaimer: I do not own any naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own any naruto!!!!!!

**A/N: now i am doing this just for ..cute just cuz it was asked of me to do so even though kabuto is not part of the akatsuki**

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**How to Annoy Akatsuki**

**Kabuto**

take his glasses

wear them around and constantly push them up your nose

call him Harry Potter

follow him around and constantly ask him if he would teach you some spells

when he finally breaks down and gives you a pretend spell look at him funny and ask if he is trying to be Harry Potter or something

ask him how he feels about Orochimaru leaving him for Sasuke

introduce him to Tobi

tell him that even Sakura's medical jutsu is better then his

laugh in his face whenever he says something

never take him seriously

every time you get a small cut or bruise make him heal it

ask him if he is trying to copy Itachi's hairstyle and that it doest look good on him

ask him how he feels at being only second best

start being rude to orochimaru just as bad as sasuke is (or worse)

wonder why he is the only sound nin who doesnt wear a rope and if its because he's not good enough for one

ask him why he helped sasuke during the chunin exams and if it was because he liked sasuke first

ask him if he thinks that he should get sasuke seeing as he saw him first

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